


Ash and dust

by CustardCreamies



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Angst, Background Relationships, Gen, References to Depression, You decide the driver
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-08
Updated: 2019-09-08
Packaged: 2020-10-12 18:24:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 368
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20568857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CustardCreamies/pseuds/CustardCreamies
Summary: How he gets through the celebrations he doesn’t know.





	Ash and dust

**Author's Note:**

> Today this fandom broke me. Well done. All of you.

He wants to scream.

Smash something.

Yell.

Cry.

He watches the celebrations from the garage. The Prancing Horse waving in the late afternoon sunshine. The team are happy and joyful. Their first win in Monza since 2010 and he hasn’t delivered it. He should have delivered it.

He had failed.

Seeing Charles’ happy face feels like a knife twist in the gut. Where had he gone so wrong? He had dreamed of this moment for so long. Now it was ash and dust. He wasn’t good enough. He never would be.

Maybe his entire life had been a fluke. Maybe everything he had worked for meant nothing. Maybe he should retire. Maybe he should just accept he was old and useless and would never be any good again.

Tears blur his vision and he blinks furiously to try to keep them at bay. Everything was a mess.

* * *

How he gets through the celebrations he doesn’t know. Maybe autopilot had saved the day for him. Go through the motions. Smile. Die on the inside.

He feels nothing when he leaves the circuit. A dark pit of nothing. Empty and dark and devoid of light.

He feels terrible, and the laughs and jeers he gets as he leaves makes things even harder to bear.

Just before he gets to the exit he’s stopped by a hand silently taking his. He pauses and doesn’t look back, letting the familiar weight ground him for a second.

“Don’t you dare give up.” A familiar voice tells him. “No matter how tempted you are, no matter what you hear or see. Do not give up.”

Sebastian doesn’t respond, but he does give the hand a small squeeze. He doesn’t feel 100% right now, but he uses the voice as a grounding tool. Maybe in a few hours this won’t feel like getting punched in the chest, maybe he will feel like the sun will shine again.

But not right now. Right now the clouds seem thick and impassable and he doesn’t want to focus on false positives.

The first few drops of rain falls and he’s not sure if it’s rain or tears from a shattered dream.

All he knows is that it’s over. 


End file.
